ANGER IS A YOUR BIGGEST ENEMY ______ CONTROL IT

 Taming the Hulk Within - Dealing With Anger

Introduction

• According to one online source, anger can be defined as "a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility." We have all experienced anger, and there have been times that we have not dealt appropriately with it. The Bible has several verses on anger, but we will only mention a few. Proverbs 15:1 tells us, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
• This verse clearly shows us that how we respond to others can abate or stimulate anger. Proverbs 22:24 admonishes us not to "make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered... " Verse 25 tells us about the consequence: "you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared." Proverbs 29:11 presents an interesting contrast: "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." Proverbs 29:22 speaks of two negative effects of anger: "An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins." These verses and more warn us of the dangers of anger.
• Anger is a naturally occurring emotion, but it must be properly controlled and managed. For example, Ephesians 4:26, 27 says, "In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." God does get angry, but His anger is a righteous anger that is directed against sin. Jesus was visibly angry when He drove the moneychangers out of the temple. More often than not, we do not always handle anger in the best possible way.

Expressing Anger

• Let's look at some of the negative ways in which we can express our anger. Some people believe that venting is an appropriate way of dealing with anger. This can take the form of "telling off" the person who has made us angry, or telling others about what a person has done to us. This may seem to give a sense of satisfaction and release, but it really does little to reduce our anger. In reality, it does the opposite: the more we vent, the angrier we become. If we develop a habit of venting about various situations, we will intensify our feelings of anger. In other words, we will increasingly become angry persons, until eventually every negative situation produces an angry response.
• Another negative way of dealing with anger is to become abusive. There are generally five forms of abuse: verbal, emotional, physical, sexual and neglect. Verbal abuse has to do with making negative and insulting statements that can make a person feel insignificant. It includes accusing, blaming, threatening, name calling, bossing people around and other such demeaning statements. Emotional abuse is usually seen in all forms of abuse. It involves speaking and acting in such a way that a person constantly feels worthless, guilty and unimportant leading to feelings of depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Physical abuse involves deliberately causing physical pain to others: for example, a husband may beat a wife or in some cases, a wife may physically attack a husband. Sexual abuse is forcing undesirable sexual behavior on someone. Neglect involves not taking care of the needs of persons that should be able to expect that care: for example it could include parents not taking care of the needs of their children. These forms of abuse can happen when people feel angry either at the person that they are victimizing or at other people and situations.

Another common way of dealing with anger is displaced aggression. In this type of situation, persons may feel afraid to confront the person that is causing their anger. It may also be that the person is not accessible or that there is a certain powerlessness to address the person or the problem. In those cases, the persons take out their anger on others. It could be family members or it could be complete strangers. This may give the persons a feeling of satisfaction, but it ends up hurting and alienating others.

• In cases of displaced aggression, we may also encounter passive aggression. Some people when they are angry are retaliatory and deal with the situation in a confrontational way. These are usually choleric type personalities who are not afraid to duke it out with anyone who opposes them. However, there are some people that are quietly dangerous.
• They are not the kinds of persons to attack you directly, but they will find ways to take revenge. In the office, it may take the form of an important file being misplaced or the convenient forgetting of a responsibility. The goal is to sabotage. At times, this could be a subconscious reaction; in other words, the person has internalized responding in a passive aggressive way.

People can express anger by becoming bitter, unforgiving and by hating others. Bitterness can be defined as intense antagonism or hostility. It can also be defined as exhibiting intense animosity. Bitterness can be directed to the persons who hurt you or it can be directed to persons who remind you of those who hurt you. Unforgiveness is refusing to forgive, to let go of the anger we feel towards persons who have hurt us.

It may include wishing bad for those persons or intentionally wanting to hurt them. Hate is intense or passionate dislike for someone. In instances of hatred, you don't want to be near or around the person; you may gossip about or slander the individual or you may find ways to victimize or hurt the individual.

• There are several other ways to deal with anger. For example, people can deal with anger by withdrawing. In order to avoid conflict or retaliating in a harsh way, some people withdraw. This can be taken to an extreme where people become antisocial. Internalized anger can lead to depression: people may feel powerless to do anything about the situation, so they become depressed. Some people deal with anger by becoming sarcastic. Some seek to victimize others or in extreme cases resort to discrimination, violence and murder.

Negative Effects

            Adversely effect on relationships

• Anger when not properly dealt with can negatively impact relationships. Marriages can be destroyed: some persons have separated or divorced. In some cases, people live together, but the marriage is miserable and unfulfilling. Relationships can break down between children and parents or between siblings. Friendships can also be devastated when anger is not handled appropriately. Anger can also prevent us from building healthy relationships. If people perceive us as angry persons, they will not want to be around us.
• HEATH 

Anger can also affect our health. It can lead to sicknesses such as hypertensions; some persons have had heart attacks; others have developed shortness of breath. Anger can make us more vulnerable to various sicknesses. It causes an increase in our heart rate, blood pressure and levels of adrenaline. Anger and stress make a deadly combination. Anger can also lead to backaches, headaches, insomnia, irritable bowel syndrome, and other illnesses. Essentially, we cannot afford to remain angry because our bodies were not designed to handle it.

• RELATION TO ALLAH

Anger can negatively affect our relationship with God. The Bible condemns anger because it tends to lead to rash and ungodly actions. Anger can also lead to wrong attitudes toward others such as bitterness and unforgiveness. The Bible makes it clear that God will not forgive us if we harbor unforgiveness toward others. Anger can also lead to responding in retaliatory and vindictive ways.

Some persons are angry at God: they feel that since God is sovereign and all powerful, He should ensure that they never experience any significant hardship. Being angry can also demonstrate a lack of faith and trust in God's ability to work out the various situations in our lives. Being angry may inhibit our desire to pray, praise God, get into the word and to attend church.

• IMBALANCE MIND SETUP

When we don't properly deal with anger, it can lead to distorted thinking. Persons may feel like victims; they may think that the whole world is against them and that nothing ever goes right for them. They believe that they could be successful, but there are antagonistic forces working against them.

NEUROTIC THINKING

Distorted thinking is also neurotic thinking where persons do not have a correct view of reality. Persons can become suspicious of people and their intentions. They feel that persons who show any interest in them and their welfare have some kind of hidden agenda.

Anger has the power to negatively touch all the significant areas of our lives. We know that it can affect the home, but it can also affect our job. We can become hostile to other workers and/or customers. Persons who are constantly angry are difficult to work with: you never know how to please them. 

JUDGEMENT

Their job performance suffers because they don't know how to properly relate to others and because their anger clouds their judgment and affects their ability to focus on their tasks. Employers may overlook angry employees for promotions, which may make those employees feel victimized and disenfranchised. Unfortunately, those employees never take a sobering look at themselves and the negative attitude that they have developed.

Dealing with Anger

• Anger is a naturally occurring emotion, but we must manage it and not allow it to control us. We already know some of the negative ways in which anger can affect us, so we must learn to deal with it. One way that we can deal with it is to pray. We can talk to God about what is bothering us. The Psalms are filled with examples of this. God can intervene to change our situation, or He can give us the grace and wisdom to deal with the problem.

There may be unresolved issues from our past that we need God to expose and deal with. Perhaps our anger springs from the horrible relationship we had with our parents. Perhaps there were situations of rape and abuse. Perhaps we were offended by a friend, by the church, or by a Christian brother or minister. We may need God to heal us of these hurts, to release them, and to release the offending persons.

We also need to ask God for the fruit of the Holy Spirit (see Galatians 5:22, 23). The first quality of the fruit is love. We must demonstrate unconditional love to all people. The Bible challenges us to love and bless our enemies. We can't do that in our strength. It is natural to want to retaliate against those who have hurt us, but God doesn't want us to do what is natural; He wants us to do what is godly.

• The fruit also includes joy. A joyful person cannot be an angry person. Joyful people are too busy enjoying God and His many blessings. Joyful people just want to see the good in everything. They take seriously God's instruction to rejoice in the Lord always.

The Bible encourages us to bless those who hurt us. Here is what Matthew 5:39 - 42 has to say: But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

• Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. Romans 12:14 says, Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. We are told that if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink (Romans 12:20). When people make us angry, we need to think of ways to bless them. This seems so contrary; we bless those who do good to us, but to bless those who do bad to us will require nothing less than the supernatural grace of God.

God has placed the saint in a fellowship of believers. This means that we are not alone, that there are others we can talk to who can pray for us and give us godly counsel. We need to find mature Christian believers to whom we can talk. Often they can identify with our hurt and encourage us through challenging times.

We can also turn to our leaders, who usually have training and experience in dealing with difficult situations. This kind of intervention can prevent us from making critical mistakes and can also help us gain a fresh perspective on the problem.

• There may be a need for more professional intervention. We may need to consult a Christian counselor, a person who has been specifically trained to deal with emotional and psychological problems. In some instances, deliverance may be needed. In cases like these, the anger is not natural; it is a satanic stronghold that needs to be dislodged. Perhaps it is a generational influence that needs to be destroyed.

The Prayer of Serenity advises us to accept the things we cannot change. That is good advice. There are some things in life that we cannot do anything about. It doesn't make sense getting angry at those things. Many of these things really have no significant impact on our lives. There are just things that we get upset over. We also need to be realistic about life. As has often been said, life happens.

• It is the nature of life to have some unexpected twists and turns. It would be scary, though unlikely, if everything in life was completely predictable. We must also learn to forgive and let go. People will hurt us, some circumstances will not go in our favor, but we must learn to deal with these things and move on. We learn to put our faith in God, trusting in His Word that He will cause all things to work together for our good.

Conclusion

We can be raging hulks dominated and controlled by anger, or we can be people who are able to handle and overcome anger. Anger does not have to be a destructive force in our life. We don't have to walk around being angry at a world that seems to be unfair and unjust. We can actually live to enjoy life, to rise above its negative circumstances. The hulk can be tamed and we can regain our humanity.